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Relationship Advice

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Not All Daddies Are The Same

Gay culture, not unlike other cultures, is often perceived to be all about stereotypes. This is never truer than in any of the 'named' cultures (Bear, Leather, S&M, etc.). The ‘Daddy/hunter’ community is no different. As a Daddy who spends a lot of time, much too much time, I have to admit, online chatting, I get frustrated when I hear perfectly attractive hunters bemoaning the fact they can’t find a Daddy to date because they aren’t (insert stereotypical requirement here): young, slender, smooth, tall, athletic, etc.

Really, guys, Daddies don't all expect, require, or desire the same things. All you need to do is spend 5 minutes perusing the Daddyhunt profiles to see that, just like Daddies exist in all different shapes and sizes, Daddies have every different kind of taste and interest imaginable. You can find profiles of Daddies looking for girlie guys, masculine guys, tall guys, short guys, hairy guys, smooth guys, and on and on and on.

Some Daddies seem to prefer only younger, smoother, etc., but not all. Not every Daddy lives up to the presumed stereotype. Not all Daddies spend their entire lives chronically in search of some 'perfect' guy who meets some idealized, unrealistic standard. Okay, I admit, Daddies do tend to prefer that the guys they desire find older guys appealing, but then, who of us doesn’t want to be thought of as sexy? I know THIS DADDY certainly does! Not all Daddies have some unreasonable expectation that any guy they pursue be both perfect and static (i.e. always looking young and hot, etc.).

Okay, stereotypes exist for a reason. Sometimes, maybe more than sometimes, people live up to one stereotype or another. Most people don’t. The trick is finding a way for the ‘right’ Daddy to meet the ‘right’ hunter. That is the beauty of online communities like Daddyhunt. Such venues are safe places where we can share information about who we are, what we seek, and what it is we have to offer, affording us unique opportunities to form connections with those with whom we have complimentary interests. So, buck up, guys, it has worked for me, it can work for you. I promise.

At least this is what THIS DADDY thinks.

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Daddy Dealbreakers

We've all got 'em. Whether it's ear hair or baby talk, dealbreakers have become a necessary part of navigating the world of dating. But when should they come into play? Maybe you have friends that date with Seinfeldian levels of dealbreakers and run at the first sign of something they don't like. But everyone deserves a fair chance and even things that we think we have a hardline on can shift when you get to know someone. The question becomes: When you do have a hardline, and you're having a good time with someone, when is the right time to bring up potential roadblocks?

Honesty is great and severely needed in any stage of a relationship, but in many cases timing is key. By definition, a dealbreaker requires calling the whole thing off. But it's never really that simple. For instance, what if the supposed dealbreaker is something that can be tweaked, changed, or brought to their attention? We're not advocating trying to change someone, because in most cases you will fail, but what if communicating your position could make them rethink their behavior? In some cases, the relationship may be more important than what's breaking the deal. We ask all these questions because there are times when being confident and swift in the choices you make can you help you cut out some of the bullshit inherent to dating. It can also make us miss out on something truly life changing when we're quick to judge and decide (especially in the world of online dating). At the end of the day, which should win out?

It seems to boil down to having an open heart and mind or being strong-willed and focused. The former can leave you vulnerable and susceptible to hurt and the latter closed off for the sake of self-preservation. Finding a balance between the two seems like our best bet, even if it's hard to come by.

When it comes to dating what are some of your dealbreakers? And if so, what have your experience with them taught you?

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